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Being sad


As promised, another post inspired by the fabulous Inside Out.  There were two moments in this film which really stood out for me.  

About halfway through the film, Joy and Sadness encounter Riley's childhood imaginary friend, Bing Bong.  He's a pink elephant with a furry cat's tail whose tears are sweeties and who drives a rocket ship powered by singing.  He was Riley's imaginary friend when she was three, but she's now eleven, on the cusp of puberty, and Bing Bong has been forgotten.  He now lives in Riley's long term memory banks.  Bing Bong is crying because his best friend has forgotten him.  Joy is using all her peppy chirpiness to gee him up and get him going again, because they have a journey to make and he needs to show them the way.  Unfortunately, it's not working; Bing Bong is still crying.  Sadness sits down next to him and says, wow, your friend has forgotten you, that's really sad.  Yes it is, Bing Bong says, cries a bit more, then dries his tears, gets up and is ready to keep going.  Joy is amazed.  'How did you do that?' she asks Sadness.  

At the end of the film [SPOILER ALERT], Riley finally has the conversation she needs to have with her parents.  Joy has finally realised that she needs to back off and let Sadness do her work.  Riley tells her parents how unhappy she is in their new town, away from all her friends, their old house and the frozen lake where she used to go skating.  Her parents listen to her sadness, and then they have a big hug.  Nothing has changed; her parents don't have a magic solution, and they don't say anything to cheer her up, but a new core memory has been created.  It's a mixture of sadness and joy.  Sadness, because Riley is missing a lot of things and people she loves.  Joy, because her parents love her and have listened to her.  

This is a lesson of which I have to remind myself constantly as a friend and as a minister.  Sometimes - in fact, maybe most of the time - you can't help people with their problems, and it's unhelpful even to try. Sometimes life is really, really awful.  Pain is, by definition, uncomfortable, even other people's pain.  We don't want others to be in pain because it scares us, and reminds us of our own capacity to hurt.  Sometimes Christians feel that their faith in Christ means that all sadness and pain can be explained or prayed away.   Sometimes, however, it simply can't be.  While Christians are never without hope - the resurrection of Christ ensures that - we cannot be without pain.  

Christians believe that Christ shared our pain and brokenness on his cross; that he came to be with us in our mess, our pain, our sadness.  We can imitate Christ by sharing the sadness of others.  Having someone with us in our pain is sometimes the only thing that does help and, I believe, it is one of the greatest gifts God gave us in sending Jesus.  And, miraculously, when we share the sadness of others, we can even find joy.  

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